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BlogWithIntegrity.com

Lady Gaga Asks Young People to Seek Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” – Should They Be Taking Lessons in Activism from Her?

My 16 year old son just sent me this YouTube video (it's long so I am placing it at the end of the post). It is a serious plea from Lady Gaga to call your Senator and ask him or her to ask for repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) policy. Specifically:

–Tell your senators to vote with Sen. Reid and Sen. Carl Levin in opposing the filibuster, defeat amendments to strike repeal, and defeat any crippling amendments.

–Senators should follow the lead of Sen. Carl Levin who will be managing the defense bill.

Working with the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, Lady Gaga has been bringing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and the hardship it causes, to the attention of young people a lot lately. She appeared at the Video Music Awards with a guard of servicemembers who have been discharged or resigned from the military because of DADT. One of them was a young woman who recently resigned from West Point and is interviewed here by Rachel Maddow.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I have never had to explain the injustice of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" or any other anti-gay policy to my son. I have had to explain that such bigotry exists because he couldn't understand it. Gay and lesbian people have always been a part of his life. He knows his mother is bisexual, though that didn't come up until he asked me for help when a friend of his was coming out to his parents. That conversation started with: "Mom, X is coming out to his parents this weekend and I told him he could stay here if his parents throw him out." My son makes me very very proud.

When my son was 12, a much larger kid in the neighborhood was making remarks my son found offensive. When my son called the kid homophobic, the kid threatened to hit him. There were a few lessons that came out of that incident – lessons I learned myself as a kid. First, you can get beaten up for having a larger vocabulary than bigger kids. The homophobic kid didn't know what "homophobic" meant and thought he was being called "homosexual." Second, pick your battles because sometimes you can get your ass kicked for standing up for what you believe in. My son told me it was something he was willing to get his ass kicked over – fighting homophobia is that important to him.

But should your kids be learning political activism from Lady Gaga? Well, my hope is that my kids learn lessons about political activism from a wide variety of sources, though it starts with me. If Lady Gaga were taking a political position with which my son disagreed, I would be hearing about that – though critically.  My son sent me this video because he supports Lady Gaga's efforts. And so do I.



Do you talk to your kids about LGBT issues? What do you think they are learning from their friends? How do you feel about pop figures teaching your kids about politics?

Breastfeeding and the Law in New York – Another News Report that Misses the Point

Last year Julia Acevedo-Taylor claimed she was rudely asked to leave a Manhattan chocolate shop because she was breastfeeding her five month old. Last month, she filed a lawsuit against the shop. I'll be following that case – the first suit filed under the 1994 New York State public breastfeeding law – but watching a recent news report on the case I am struck most by the lack of discussion of the law.

Instead, there is a painful debate between a purported etiquette expert and a La Leche League Leader. Neither is talking about the law: what a woman is legally allowed to do. The debate is what she should do, followed up by a poll about whether women should be allowed to breastfeed in public. So did I miss something? Is the New York State legislature considering a bill to rescind current civil rights law that states a right to breastfeed in public? If not, why are these people having this discussion? If Julia Acevedo-Taylor has a legal right to breastfeed in public accommodations in New York State (which she does), why is there a "news" story about whether she should?

What other civil rights are people asked to forego to make restaurant patrons more comfortable? If Acevedo-Taylor were a man, would there be public debate about whether exercising her civil right is rude?

So have a look at this "news" story and tell me what you think. The beginning is a report on the original incident. It will probably make you really really angry. The owner denies Acevedo-Taylor was kicked out but said women could not breastfeed in his establishment without being "discreet" and covering up.

But then comes the "what should she do" discussion. The Countess of Etiquette thinks it is impolite to make people uncomfortable by feeding your baby with your breasts in public. And, by the way, her 13 year old son is very upset seeing breasts. Hmm. The La Leche League Leader is trying to avoid the question by saying breastfeeding isn't actually disruptive. Nice try but not the reason she was there. Were I interviewed on this question (and I have been many times, even by Fox News), I would insist on discussing the real issue. When you have a legal right, you can exercise it regardless of whether it makes people uncomfortable. What you should do is whatever legal act you feel comfortable doing. Those made uncomfortable by seeing breastfeeding are free to retreat to private space.

Please let me know what you think about how this news story is presented? Should we even be talking about nursing "discreetly"?

Should You Perfume Your Vagina to Get Ahead at Work? Let Summer’s Eve Know What You Think.

There is a very good post over at Owning Pink – it had me at the title: Want a Raise? Wash Your Vagina. The post is about a full page ad in Women's Day magazine for Summer's Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths. In that ad (a scan of which is on the blog post), there are 8 tips for asking your boss for a raise, the first of which is to use these cleansing cloths. Yes, the ad suggests you are more likely to get a raise if you "wash" your vagina.

Lissa Rankin of Owning Pink is pissed off and I agree with her. Be prepared, in her post she uses the word "pussy" a lot. With (great) respect to Eve Ensler, I don't use the word "pussy" to describe my vagina. I am not particularly offended by it. I just don't see the need to nickname or euphemise my body parts. I don't have a problem with using or hearing the word vagina and, used to accurately indicate a vagina, it seems entirely sufficient.

But back to the ad. Anyone here ever been sexually harassed at work? I have. A lot. Even after clawing my way through law school and getting hired at a major corporate law firm, I still faced a superior who ogled me, left me inappropriate notes and touched my body at every opportunity. Did he actually smell my vagina before giving me a raise? No. But he certainly made it clear that he wanted to. And the fact that I didn't let him smell my vagina didn't alter how my co-workers treated me since when a superior makes it clear he finds you sexually attractive, co-workers tend to assume you are giving in to his advances. So add social ostracism to fear, despair, humiliation and self-loathing. It was a sad, painful experience and one I don't wish on anyone.

There is a good deal to find offensive in the Summer' Eve ad. Rankin's Owning Pink post does a great job of addressing the whole notion that we need to change the way our vaginas smell. To suggest we do so is sexist AND unhealthy.

But this ad strikes a different nerve of mine. At 25, I graduated from law school at the top of my class, a law review editor, thrilled to be leaving a not-so-nice childhood behind. And I had barely passed the bar before I discovered the world up there with the rich folk wasn't much different from the world I came from. I grew up sleeping with one eye open, waiting to see if some stranger would reach under my sheets in the night. I was often homeless and hungry. My law degree, I was to discover, didn't change things all that much. I had a place to live and food to eat but I still had to endure sexual harassment. It was still all about my vagina. And Summer's Eve thinks it still should be.

Among the comments to Rankin's post is one by a person who says she is the Brand Manager for Summer' Eve. Her name is Angela Bryant and she says: "I want to know what you would like to hear and see from Summer’s Eve, so send me an email at summerseve_cares@cbfleet.com." So let her know what you think.

And let me know what you think. Tell me your sexual harassment stories. Do you think things have changed much since the 1980s when I was told nothing could be done and a lawsuit would destroy my career? Can you be valued for your work and not your sex?

Wordless Wednesday


Photo Copyright Photographer Rachel Valley

Much of my work as a breastfeeding advocate/lawyer is about securing a right for mothers to be in public space. That means having a protected legal right to engage in the act of mothering in all the places people get to be.  Mothers must own the public space along with all other citizens.

This striking photograph vividly represents the position breastfeeding women are forced into by a definition of public space that excludes mothers as mothers.  In order to mother, she must hide in dark corners. Society views her as refuse – necessary but to be kept where no one has to look at it.

See other photos from this extraordinary exhibit on Facebook – at least until the areola police takes it down (see here and here).

So is the photograph shocking or beautiful or does it elicit some other response from you? Anyone ever make you feel like you should breastfeed by the dumpster?

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